Title: Fade
Pairings: JaeMin, YooSu
Rating: PG-13ish
Notes: So umm… yeah. Like this one a little bit better, even though it hurts a little bit. >.< Hopefully this is the low point, though, and I'll be able to get everything on the road to recovery now. Guess we'll have to wait and see.
Summary: Sequel to Possession. Falling can mean so many things: falling into his arms, falling in love, falling out, falling to pieces, falling apart...
Previous: Possession,
Bonus Scenes, Falling:
Part 1,
Part 2,
Part 3,
Part 4,
Part 5,
Poetry,
Part 6,
Part 7,
Part 8,
Part 9,
Part 10
Chapter 11: Fade
You can't breathe, can't focus. You know Jae's holding you, but you can't feel his arms around you. He whispers in your ear; you don't understand the words. Maybe Yoochun's right. Maybe everyone would be better off if you had just stayed away. Isn't that what you've been telling yourself this whole time?
You can't seem to stop shaking.
Every thought racing through your head hurts, and you want to make it stop. Anything. Anything to just make it go away. Jae won't let you go, though. And Yunho's right next to you, hand on your back; the touch should feel comforting, safe.
You push away from them, fight off Jae's clinging hands. No. This isn't what you need. Not right now. "Min!" You hear the call, but you don't look at them as you escape. Heading for the private shelter of the bathroom, you can't think any further ahead than just getting there.
With the door firmly closed and locked behind you, you slide almost bonelessly down the wall to the ground. The vise in your chest squeezes tighter, and you forget how to breathe for a few long moments. You let your had fall back to hit the wall; the thud jolts a breath back into your lungs.
You slide down further to curl up on the floor, ignore the persistent knocking on the door. The throb of the back of your head where it hit the wall keeps time to the pulsing panic in your throat. You press your face against the cool tiles and pray for it to be over soon. You don't care how; you just want it done.
And of all your thoughts, that's the one you latch on to. You don't care how. You would be just as happy right now if some miraculous being came down from the heavens to take away the pain as you would if you simply fell asleep and never woke up. You just don't have the energy for it to matter anymore.
Maybe that's your biggest problem. You've fought it off for so long, tried to be normal and happy, that you just don't have it in you to fight anything anymore. Your efforts didn't get you anywhere, just made you tired.
So what's the point? Why bother? It never makes a difference, doesn't change anything. The harder you try, the faster you fall. You hold on, dig your fingers in. Your grip is ripped away, and your fingers are torn and bloody. When you come to the next ledge, you're almost scared to grab on again.
You want to scream and cry, but you know it won't do any good. So you hold it all in, choke on your fear and pain and anger. You fall and watch your dreams move on without you. They never did seem to want you anyway.
And you wonder if this is what crazy feels like. All those "mentally ill" people, is this what they hear? Then again, if you can recognize the fact that you're insane, are you really? If you weren't, would you be hurting yourself the way you have been? Only crazy people intentionally hurt themselves. Right?
The throbbing in your head seems to have taken on a rhythmic movement. Then you realize it's not really the throbbing at all. It's you, raising your head up before letting it fall back to the floor with a dull thunk. It hurts, in a distant sort of way. Almost like it's not really happening to you but you're having sympathy pains.
You realize you're not shaking anymore, and your breathing has evened itself out. You think, almost half-giddily, that maybe you've literally knocked some sense into yourself. The thought makes you want to giggle, though you're not sure why.
Yeah. Yeah, this is it. Changmin, welcome to Crazy.
contemplative
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dreaming_col
Comments
I told myself that I should read this before goig to sleep cause I dun wanna read this in the morning and spoil my mood....*pout
I've brace myself fort he worse, but I didn't expect this!!!
uwwwwwaaaaaa...you've finally drove Min to insanity!!!!! you evil person
*still continue to chase you with flying durians, fufufufufufufufu....
*sighs, stares at flying durians* I am sooo not cut out for endurance runs... *takes off again*
Sigh..I'm slightly out of breathe from all the chasing too...*continue to chase*
*breaks down* Why-y-y-y-y-y are you making him suffer so much?! T____T But... You said something about recovery. So there WILL be a happy ending! *triumphs*
Very angsty and very fantastic dear. ♥
Thank you for liking it. ^__^
Honestly, I don't know how Changmin will ever get better. It's just a repeating cycle. Until everyone stops caring and forgets there was a Changmin. :/
It is an horrifically vicious cycle, but I promise that recovery is a possibility. Never say never until you're dead. *nods*
Bye!!!!
^__^ Thank you; glad you like it.
so min has been in depression for a long time now, and fighting it as he has revealed but failing as we now can see. but what i really want to know is what set it off, this depression? lack of self-esteem, stress...?
it was there in the first installment, but i didn't think it was this bad.
please let the healing being soon....i don't know if i can stand seeing min spiralling even further down into darkness, and taking jaejoong and the rest along with him.
People who suffer through this can be very good at hiding it, like master actors. Believe me.
I think this could very well be Min's bottoming out, so healing should start soon.
I really hope the others are able to help him through this. No one should have to go through something like this alone...or at all.
The others definitely plan on standing by Min, whether he likes it or not.
^^ Minnie has such good friends. They're closeness warms my heart. ♥
why? why?? WHY??? WHY???!!!
*strangles you*
(If I am dead, you will never get to the getting better parts. So there. *smirks*)
Aww I'm really excited how all this will turn out. I hope min will be fine!
*runs off to next chap again.