Title: Wandering
Pairings: JaeMin, YooSu
Rating: PG-13ish
Notes: Merry Christmas, everyone!! Hope this chap answers a few questions. Maybe raises a few more. Let me know what ya think, as always.
Summary: Sequel to Possession. Falling can mean so many things: falling into his arms, falling in love, falling out, falling to pieces, falling apart...
Previous: Possession,
Bonus Scenes, Falling:
Part 1,
Part 2,
Part 3,
Part 4,
Part 5
Chapter 6: Wandering
You're supposed to be the smart one, right? That's what everyone always says: the smart one, the mature one. The youngest who acts too old at times. You don't feel all that smart or mature at the moment, just kind of tired. And scared.
Yes, there, you admit it. You're scared. Terrified. Soon they'll all see you for exactly who you are, timid and lost and weak, and they'll realize you're hardly worth their effort. You're hardly worth your own effort.
You think that's why you had to leave Jae behind. You had to make sure he was separate from you, away from your influence. Because when the truth comes out about you, you didn't want to drag him down with you.
You'd thought so many things when the two of you first got together. You thought he'd be the answer to this gnawing, ripping emptiness inside of you. You thought you could confess all your fears then be done with them. You thought you'd finally feel content, satisfied, even happy. Silly, childish thoughts.
Walking away from him, even as he called out for you to stay, was easily one of the hardest things you've ever done. You still did it, because it had to be done. To protect him from whatever it is that's wrong with you.
You don't know how long you've been walking now. An hour? Two? Eight hundred seventy-nine steps away from Jaejoong. You know that for sure. And somehow your feet have led you right back to where you started.
The door swings open quietly, and you think briefly that there's something you're forgetting about. The apartment stands silent and empty. Everyone's gone. You think you should be concerned about that. It means something.
Thoughts tumble and stumble over each other, though, so you can't be sure what makes sense and what doesn't anymore. The mature one. The smart one. Can't connect two statements together with any kind of coherency. What would they think of that? What would they think of you if they could see it?
You fall onto your bed, bury your face in the pillows. Make it all stop. Please. Just for a little while, let it all go away. But you can't escape this, get away from yourself, even in your sleep. Your dreams twist and shift into mocking nightmares of the things you used to think yourself worthy of. They've proven you wrong.
Clenching your jaw, you push further into your pillows in an attempt to erase your own thoughts. The pillow is wet, you realize. Were you crying? You don't remember crying. Are you still doing it? Why? What's the point of crying? You've done this to yourself, so just suck it up and deal with it. Just stop it. Stop. Crying.
On the edges of sleep, sometimes you hear things that aren't there: footsteps, doors opening, creaks in floorboards. You used to let it scare you. Not anymore. Now, you swear you can hear the front door opening, but not even that can prevent of from falling into oblivion.
satisfied
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
dreaming_col
Comments
I swear, after this fic and In the Loneliness are done, I'm never hurting Minnie everever again!j/k. ILU. ♥
Hmm.. that makes sense. Kinda... less dramatic than we all were thinking. Hahaha
At least it was only that he forgot about the practice that he missed it...and not something worse. *sigh* I hope it all works out for the best.
Merry Christmas!!!
But, yes, he's only insecure and upset. Unfortunately, "just" insecure can do a lot of damage, as we're now starting to see with Min.
We're all happy Min's not hurt, but we'll have to wait and see how the other boys react...
I hope the others will be understanding and not make it worse.
We'll see what we can do about that happy ending. I make no promises, but I'll do my best. *nods*
Stupid, stupid Min. Stupid, stupid insecurities.
I could end all of this in one chapter you know. Make Yoochun come home and beat up Changmin, then POOOF! He forgets all of his little worries and live a happy ever after together with Jae. *nods* Doesn't that sound beautiful? ^^
Except - except you have to write it. I can't write like you. *sigh* ♥
Sadly, I think this fic is going to take just a little bit more maneuvering to wrap up. We'll see how it goes.
Ahh, well, as long as I get my deleted scene, I can take any amount of angst. I hope. I can't take the suspense though, so - write, write, write! *bounces on chair*
Yay! Please do update soon
Thanks a lot.
It's my first time with internet for so long and without it I kept thinking, "what's wrong with Changmin in dreaming_col's fic???? when will I find out??"